Saturday, December 31, 2011

What a year

If there is one thing I keep hearing people say is that this year has been a year for many life changes. It is so true in my life as well.  It's a little overwhelming when I really think about it.  2011 started off on a sad note. C's step father passed away on New Years Day.  He is greatly missed and I so wish he could have met Sophia, but I think he looks after her. He is her guardian angel.  Some other changes in my life this past year:

This was happening in my belly!
I'm still in awe sometimes when I think about getting pregnant. It was such a crazy, amazing and often difficult experience, but I'd do it again and again for her.
Wow- look how big I was!

We got married!
Well, technically, this was the end of 2010, but oh well. It was still a big moment. Even though we've been together for about 12 years it was special. Even if it happened in our kitchen. :)

And then she arrived...


We also had a big loss in our family. We lost Tom and Lucy in a matter of days.  I miss them everyday and still sometimes wait for Lucy to come running down the stairs or Tom to greet me at the door.  I think I'm still dealing with that.

We miss you Tomcat

I still miss this crazy dog

Other 2011 adventures:

- We took a trip home (Sophia had her first plane ride!) and she got to meet her crazy family
- C got a new job with normal hours 
- I'm finally back at work full time (although I wish I could stay home with the baby)
- C had his surgery

What a crazy, sad, and wonderful year it has been. Here's hoping for a happy, healthy and maybe not so eventful 2012!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

I'm leaving my baby with a total stranger

Starting tomorrow, Sophia will be going to a baby sitter all day.  It turns out I'm not dealing well with this.  This woman seems perfectly nice and capable and has been watching kids for 20 years, but this is my baby we're talking about. What if she doesn't get the attention she needs? What if she's scared because we're not there? What if this woman is really a psycho? Yeah, I may need a Valium tomorrow.

In other news, I found out why I've been feeling so horrible and my hair has been falling out. I have a severe vitamin d deficiency. It's pretty scary actually. It's difficult to get vitamin d as a vegan besides getting it from the sun.  So, I am taking a supplement and hoping it will help.

I really just need to get through this week and hopefully it will get easier. How can I leave this cutie with a stranger all day?

Sunday, November 27, 2011

3 months and going back to work

I cannot believe Sophia is 3 months old already. It is true when they say they grow up too fast! She  is such a different baby now than she was.  She smiles all the time and laughs out loud sometimes. She has definitely discovered her hands and loves to chew on them too. I think teething is right around the corner.  She can even hold her head up pretty well.

Sadly, tomorrow I go back to work full time.  I do like my job and the people and I love the organization I work for. However, since having Sophia it just feels so unimportant.  In the scheme of things, it seems so irrelevant, yet I have to do it for financial reasons.  I feel like I'm going to miss her growing up. I swear she changes or does something different everyday and I want to be able to see and experience it while she's still so young.  It all seems so unfair. How do all these working moms do it?  I'm sure this is going to be a hard week. 

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

I haven't abandoned the blog!

Wow. I haven't posted anything in so long! Honestly, I haven't had the time. How do some of these moms do it? I'm lucky to get a shower and brush my teeth everyday. Seriously. I had all these plans of posting everything going on with Miss Sophia, but there is not enough time in the day. I'm not even working full time yet either. That will start on the 21st and is a whole other post.  So, I'm going to try and be better about updating in case anyone out there is still reading. For now, here are Sophia's 2 months pictures:


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

1 Month

I cannot believe Sophia is a month old already! The time seems to have flown by, but at the same time seems to have stood still.  It hasn't been the easiest month for any of us, that's for sure, but hopefully it will keep getting better.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

The First 2 Weeks

Wow, what a crazy couple of weeks it's been.  You cannot imagine or prepare yourself for what being a parent is, especially of a newborn.  It's been sleepless nights, tears, out of control hormones, and this feeling that you have absolutely no idea what your doing.  It's been hard, but I love this little girl more than anything.  I love her more each day. We were lucky that my parents and sister were here to help for awhile. I don't know what we would have done without their help. It's amazing how much she's changed in just a couple of weeks too. Her face is filling out and she's definitely gaining weight with all the milk she drinks.

I plan to post my birth story if anyone is interested. It was definitely not anything like I had wanted or planned.  Actually, a lot has been this way and it's something I'm dealing with.  I think I've had a bit of postpartum depression as well.  It's all been very overwhelming. I'm glad Cary has been here to keep me sane and take care of Sophia too.  The one thing I am certain of is this little girl has been worth all of it.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

She's here!

Well, technically she's been here for 11 days, but things have been a bit crazy. Between having a c-section, trying to get everyone settled at home, and my parents and sister visiting, it's been a little busy around here.  Sophia Helen was born on August 20th at 10:42 p.m., weighing 5 lbs 3 oz and 18 inches long.  For now, here are some pictures:

Thursday, August 18, 2011

38 Weeks

We've made it another week! Again, who knew? Well, if I don't have Miss Sophia by next week she is being evicted on the 24th. That's right, evicted.  I am nervous about being induced, but at the same time I'm ready to have her and meet her.  I am so done being pregnant! Another good thing: I had my last trip to the hospital for my NST's and ultrasounds! You have no idea how exciting this was!
Look exciting doesn't it?
I actually had 3 contractions while hooked up, so maybe that's a good sign she'll come on her own before next week. I did have a talk with her and told her she was being evicted next week, so it would be so much better if she just cooperated and did this on her own. I'm not sure she's going to listen to me though.  Stubborn girl.  They measured and weighed her today too. She is at 5 pounds 6 ounces and measurements were fine.  That's a good weight I think. The bigger she is the more likely I'll have to have a c-section.  We got a few more ultrasound pictures too. One is a regular and the other is a 3-D one.  We saw her sucking on her fingers and hand!

A foot! A foot that's been pushing on my ribs!

Here's her cute little face! You can definitely tell she has my nose here!

So, no matter what happens, I will definitely be having this chickpea next week! :)

Friday, August 12, 2011

37 Weeks

Well, we have officially made it to full term! Sophia can definitely come out safely now.  That is if she wasn't being so stubborn. At my Ob appointment Tuesday, I was still 4 cm. dilated, so no progress there.   They said they will probably want to induce me at 39 weeks if I haven't had her yet. They're worried about me getting an infection from being dilated for so long.  I really don't want to take Pitocin though.  I've heard so many bad things about it, plus, I would be stuck in the bed being monitored and wouldn't be able to move around if I want.  Definitely not what I want.

Sorry about the crappy picture...

So, my goal now is  to try and coax her out. My doula suggested drinking raspberry leaf tea, which I just bought today. She also said to do movements that are used in birth like swaying on my hands and knees or any movement that helps gravity do it's job.  Another thing I can do is have my Ob sweep my membranes. I may ask them to do this next week even though it doesn't always work.  I've been eating spicy food too.  We'll see, but really it's all about when she's ready to make her entrance.  So, please send us positive baby vibes!

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Our Chickpea in 3-D!

Cary thinks she looks like me here. Poor kid!
At my last Thursday appointment at he hospital, they asked if we wanted to see if she could get a good look at Sophia's face with the 3-D. Of course we said yes! It was amazing to see her like this. It makes it all the more real.  We're still waiting for you little girl!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Blog Hop Thursday

I'm participating in the Totally Thursday Blog Hop! It's hosted by Jill at Momma Totally In Love. I hope to get some new followers and follow some great blogs myself!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

36 Weeks and a letter to our chickpea

Dear Sophia,

We are ready for you whenever you decide to make your entrance into this world. There are so many people anxiously awaiting your arrival.  Not only are me and Daddy waiting but Grandma, Grandpa, Nana, all your Aunts, Uncles, cousins and a whole lot more are too.  But really, no pressure.  You teased us a few weeks ago when we all thought you were coming! I just wanted to let you know it's safe now to come and we can't wait to meet you!


You're running out of room in here!

Friday, July 29, 2011

35 Weeks

So, here I am at 35 weeks. No one, not even me thought Sophia would stay in here this long! The good news is she is growing.  At my ultrasound yesterday, she weighed 4 and 1/2 pounds.  This is still underweight, but I'm just convinced she is just going to be a small little girl.  As of Tuesday, I was still only 4 cm. dilated though.  If she stays in here until next Tuesday, they'll check my dilation again.

I really do like this movie though...

It has been a difficult couple of weeks.  I feel like I'm in my own Groundhog Day! You now, the Bill Murray movie? Everyday is the same. I wake up around 9 or 10, feed the zoo and eat breakfast. Then it's trying to find something to do. Usually it's getting online to check Facebook, Twitter, news, and blogs I read.  After that it's Netflix to watch a show or movie. I'm currently re-watching Torchwood.  I'll eat lunch and maybe read after that. Oh, and don't forget the bathroom breaks every half hour or so! Aren't you jealous? I live such an exciting existence right now! I do get to go out into the world every so often though. I go to my OB on Tuesdays and the hospital on Thursdays.  Sometimes I'll tag along with Cary if he's going anywhere on his days off.  I'm telling you, I can't stand all this excitement! <--- That's sarcasm right there.

I know I shouldn't be complaining, but enjoying my "me" time and peace and quiet before this little girl comes and changes our lives forever. I'm trying, but it isn't easy.  So, who knows how much longer this little chickpea will stay cookin'.  Until then, you know what I'll be doing...

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

34 Weeks, and yes I'm still pregnant

She's still cookin' in there

Here is this week's  update:

- I am now 4 cm. dilated and 90% effaced
- She has definitely dropped some more
- My docs are pretty confident that I can deliver her vaginally now, especially since she's so small
- I have officially been home for a week now
- I am going crazy

I am pretty miserable at this point especially with this heat. I have to keep telling myself that the longer she's in there, the better off she'll be. I am resting as much as I can, but getting bored. I've been reading, wasting time on the internet, and watching shows on Netflix.  I wish I had the energy to really clean the house, but I don't. I am excited, scared, and a million other emotions about having her.  I am excited to meet her and see what she looks like, but I am definitely scared about the whole giving birth part.  I hope I can do it naturally, but who knows.  My OB's think I'll have her pretty fast once I start active labor since I'm already dilated.  Let's hope so! Until next week...

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

33 Weeks

I know everyone wants to look at my big naked belly...

What a crazy couple of weeks! As of yesterday, I was 3 1/2 cm. dilated and in early labor.  I got a shock last week when at my 32 week OB visit, they found out I was 2 cm. dilated and was probably having contractions.  I was given 2 steroid injections to help her lungs develop and they seem to think she'll be okay born this early.  She was weighing at 3 pounds, 9 ounces last week, so she is still very small.  I've never held a baby that small before! I have officially been put on modified bed rest too.  Today was my last day of work and it felt very strange leaving.  The next time I go back there I will be a mom! It still seems strange to me.  Who knows how long she'll stay in here. My doctor said yesterday that she doesn't think I'll go longer than a week.  Well, it's all up to Sophia on when she's good and ready.

I also had a baby shower last weekend given by our friend Amanda. She made some yummy vegan, gluten free food for me! She made vegan quiche, and vegan, gluten free cupcakes that were amazing! I also got some nice gifts too. Here are a few crappy, cell phone pictures:

Pretty flowers and one of my favorite books


Pretty diaper cake

Look at the cute owls!

These were incredible! Yummy...

So, who knows, this may be my last entry as a preggo and the next one might be as a mommy! Stay tuned...

Saturday, July 2, 2011

31 Weeks

Here is this week's update:

- Both NST's and the ultrasound were fine. Sophia is still looking good. We saw her playing with her foot during the ultrasound and got a few good pics. Next week they will measure and get her weight again. Hopefully she's grown!

- We had our last hypnobirth class. I am so glad we took them. It has given me a totally new perspective on birth. I feel more positive and not quite as anxious about it. Having a c-section though I'm still a bit afraid of. I will hopefully have a private session with the teacher about that.

- I found a doula who works for free or donation and hopefully can meet with her this month. 

- I'm actually getting pretty excited about meeting Sophia! I can't wait to meet her and see what she looks like. I'm trying to enjoy these last couple of months of pregnancy. It's a bit hard seeing as how uncomfortable and tired I am, but I'm trying. I know I will never be pregnant again, so maybe I'll try harder.

- Miss Sophia is on Cary's schedule somehow. She sleeps and doesn't move around much during the day, but come evening and all night, there is a party going on in my belly! Let's hope she doesn't keep this schedule once she is born.

Until next week...

Sunday, June 26, 2011

30 weeks or tests, tests, and more tests

I can't believe I'm 30 weeks already.  It's crazy, yet I am so uncomfortable and ready to get this baby out of me.  The last couple of weeks have been exhausting to say the least.  Work has been a little stressful with having to train a temp to do my job while I'm on leave.  Plus, all the tests  I'm having to do each week really just exhausts me. So far the NST'S or non stress tests have been fine and the ultrasounds have looked good.  We won't know her weight again until July 7th.  Hopefully she's growing a little bit in there! At my 30 week OB appointment I had gained 3 pounds which I'm hoping is because of her. I've only gained a total of 13 or 14 pounds so far. It's all in my belly. 

We had our second hypnobirth class last week and I am still loving it.  The teacher is so calming and her voice immediately calms me.  We have MP3's to listen to between classes and they relax me so well, I end up falling asleep.  I think the self hypnosis will help me in my daily life even after I have the baby.  Here is a link to the hypnosis center. Take a look, it's fascinating.  Our minds are very powerful! Until next week...

Sunday, June 19, 2011

28 weeks

Well, technically I'm 29 weeks now, but I'm a bit behind. I promised myself I would start updating every week now.

The view from above
So, what's going on at 28 weeks? Well, I got a little scare last week.  Apparently, little Sophia is indeed little. She weighs 2 pounds, 5 ounces and this is only in the 3rd percentile. They worry when they are under 10 and really worry under 5.  This could mean a few things: 1- she's just a small baby (we're hoping for this one), 2- she's not getting enough blood flow/nutrients from the placenta, or 3- something is wrong with the cord.  All of this leads to me having NST's (non stress tests) and doppler ultrasounds every week from here on out.  The NST's measure her heartbeat, movement and if I'm having any contractions. The doppler looks at the flow from the placenta to her.  I now go to my OB's office once a week and the hospital once a week.  It is truly exhausting.  The couple of NST's I've had have been fine and the one ultrasound I had looked good. The doctor said this could change from week to week and is why they have to monitor it.  Let's hope she keeps growing! But, not too big.  

On a different note, our first hypnobirth class was amazing! I'll have to write a post just for that. I can't wait for this week's class.  I think it will help me relax no matter what kind of birth I have.  Stay tuned!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

27 weeks, or OMG I'm huge!

I have been so bad at updating on here and I apologize. I can't believe I haven't done anything since March. Time is flying by and so much has happened since then!  Well, obviously I've gotten bigger.  I think maybe I feel much bigger than I actually look.  I haven't gained a ton of weight though so that's good.  I can definitely feel her moving around in there and can see my stomach moving which is kind of creepy! Cary has felt her moving too. I can't believe I'm about in my third trimester already, about 91 days to go.  Yeah, I'm not freaking out about that at all.  We start one of our birthing classes next week.  The first class is hypnobirthing classes and then in July we take childbirth education classes taught by some doulas.  I'm pretty excited about the classes.  Right now, let's just hope I can survive this summer with the heat!  My next OB appointment is next week and I may get yet another ultrasound to see how big she is. Apparently, I'm measuring big and they want to see if it's her or if it's just because I'm so small. So, I will update next week hopefully with some ultrasound pictures- I promise!

Saturday, March 26, 2011


Whoever says pregnancy is the most beautiful time in your life are liars. Big fat liars.  I never thought being pregnant would be all sunshine and rainbows, but I never thought I'd be experiencing some things I'm going through. I think mothers must have some sort of secret pact to never tell any innocent,  not yet pregnant woman all the bad things that can happen.  Don't get me wrong; I am extremely grateful that I even got pregnant, but, really, someone should tell you about these things!

Now that my "extreme" morning sickness is gone, I have moved onto other problems. I still get morning sickness, just not all day everyday like in the first 3 months. But, believe me, it's still there.  I was sent to a cardiologist to check my heart murmur, and they discovered while doing an echo that one of my heart valves stays closed.  This scared the crap out of me.  I'd never heard of this and it was the last thing I could even think of happening.  Well, turns out, some of my sisters have the same thing, and they just have it monitored, but have no real problems with it.  This made me feel a bit better. My OB is still having me talk to a cardiologist next week, just to explain things.  My OB is also having me see a high risk OB.  Between, my heart and my breathing issue, (I have some restrictive breathing due to my ribs not being completely curled as they should),  they thought I should talk to the high risk doctor and get her opinion.  She is less worried about my heart than she is about my breathing.  When you're preggo and in the 3rd trimester, most women do have some breathing issues since everything gets all smooshed up (not the technical term)  to make room for the baby. Which leads to me seeing a pulminologist on Monday.  I will be having breathing tests and who knows what else to check my lung capacity.  I'm definitely not looking forward to this and honestly a little scared of the results.  This is all just a bit too much for someone with anxiety to take in.

Lately, I've been in a lot of pain. Like, I can't walk very fast and look like I'm an 80 year old woman kind of pain.  My docs think it's my sciatica.  It's ridiculously painful.  My OB has referred me to a chiropractor and physical therapist in hopes to alleviate some of the pain.  To top it all off, they think I have a bladder infection, which is fairly common while pregnant.  Again, no one tells you these things.  While at the OB for said bladder infection yesterday, they also discovered I have a yeast infection! Really. Sorry if that's TMI, but I'm pregnant and don't care anymore. It's never ending I tell you!

My hope is that this little one will all be worth it in the end.  I think it will.
16 weeks

Maybe the reason mothers don't tell you all the gory details is because in the long run it pales in comparison to being a mother. Either way, I am refusing to be a part of this so called secret pact! 

In other news, my next ultrasound is in about a week.  Hopefully we'll find out for sure if this chickpea really is a girl!  I'm very excited!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

12 Weeks

I can't believe I'm almost through my first trimester! It's been such a crazy journey so far. I can now say I'm starting to feel a little better. I still have bad days or moments of morning sickness, but not nearly as severe as it was. I am however still very tired all the time.  I think I'm actually getting excited too!

I've had some preliminary testing for the risk of Downs and other birth defects and thankfully those turned out good. I swear my OB office makes me feel so old! Since I'll be 35 when I have the baby, it puts me in a "higher risk" category.  Hence, all the testing.  I also had a glucose test to see if I'm at risk for gestational diabetes. I passed that one as well. The next test I'm having is an EKG. My doctor's want to have some sort of baseline of my heartbeat since I have a slight heart murmur.  That's kind of scary. 

The ultrasound for the birth defects screening was amazing! I think we've got one feisty baby going on! This baby was flipping and flopping all around the whole time. It was crazy! The doctor also thinks it's a girl. It's still a little early, but that's her prediction so far- which is fine with me! 

I think this pregnancy is finally starting to feel real to me.  We went to a maternity store yesterday because my pants are getting a bit snug on me. It was surreal. Me and C looked at each other and said this feels a little weird being in here.  The jeans I bought are so comfy! I'll have to get some more soon.  

My next appointment is in another 4 weeks. I'll be sure to let everyone know how it goes!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

8 weeks and counting

I'm so sorry I've been MIA on this blog. Between being extremely sick, tired, and the incident last week, I haven't had the energy to do too much.  I am officially 8 weeks. I'm still very nauseous and can't seem to get enough sleep, but I'm hoping some of that will go away within the next month.

Here's our little chickpea at 8 weeks
I think I'm finally feeling better about last week's scare. I've never been so scared before. It was an awful experience that I wouldn't wish upon anyone.  We had to wait hours to see if I had lost the baby or not.  I truly thought I had. I had never seen so much blood in my life. I was terrified.  It turns out that they think I had a hemorrhage. Apparently, it's not that uncommon.  I have never heard of this happening, but after the doctor's did my beta test and the ultrasound, they were pretty sure that's what happened. Anyway, I'm trying to move on from that, but I'm still a little nervous and scared that something might happen again. 

I have my first OB appointments next week, so I'll finally be away from all the hospital doctors. I don't think I've seen the same doctor or nurse twice.  I'm not sure if I'll have another ultrasound or not. I've already had 3! I will try not to be too absent from here anymore either. After all, it was my idea to record my journey, right?

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Week 5

I've been a bit MIA here on my blog and on Twitter and Facebook. I think I've just been processing everything.  It's strange that I've wanted to get pregnant for so long and now that I am, I'm scared out of my mind! Not that I regret it, I just think I never thought it would ever happen. I'm scared my little body won't be able to carry a baby, I'm scared of childbirth,  and I'm scared I won't be a good parent. I'm sure all of these things are normal feelings, at least I hope so. There are still days when it seems unreal. I am however having morning sickness, or all day sickness really. I've also been ridiculously tired. I've never been so tired all my life. I feel a little narcoleptic at work sometimes.  I'm entering my 5th week tomorrow and my first ultrasound is this Friday.  I am getting a little excited though. I bought a pregnancy journal and a prenatal yoga dvd yesterday. I need to start exercising a little.  I think that will make me feel a million times better.  So, I hope to not go MIA again on everyone. My goal is to at least post every week if not more.  I'll let everyone know how the ultrasound goes.

PS: We found out on New Years day that C's step-dad passed away. If you could keep him and his family in your thoughts/prayers it wold be much appreciated.