I think I've found the one

It's a little early to get too excited, but I am anyway.  I think we have found a donor. If said future donor is reading this, I hope it's okay that I'm blogging about it. I've been wanting to ask him, but didn't think he would be willing to.  It's not an easy decision.  I jokingly asked him yesterday and he seriously said he would! Nothing is set in stone, but I feel a tad hopeful that it will work out.  He's young, adorable, and gay; my three favorite qualities! :) I don't think I want to do this right away though.  I want to get into a little better shape than I'm in now, physically and mentally.  We still need to discuss things with him and get legal papers drawn up.  I want him to be a part of the child's life, if he chooses, but not as a father obviously, but an uncle or something.  Anyway, this is all in theory at the moment, so I'm trying not to get too excited, but I can't help myself! So, I guess "operation baby" is starting. I'll keep you posted!

Vegan Care Package Swap

I was so excited when I got my vegan care package swap that Lindsay @ cook.vegan.lover. hosted! My partner was Carol from St. Louis.  Here's the loot:

* vegan stroganoff 

*gf oatmeal cookies

*gf mac & cheese

* vegan orange "jello"

*brown rice marshmallow treats

*chocolate raspberry bar

*bumble energy bars

*cowboy candy

These are so good! I'm eating one as I type.
I might have to keep these in my desk at work for afternoon snacks

I can't wait to try this for lunch today! It's perfect comfort food

Thank you Lindsay for hosting this! I had so much fun! Thank you Carol for all the goodies! Yours should be there any day... :)

Oh Sookie Sookie

TGIF! Today is day 13 of my 30 days: a fictional book.  I've decided to write about  a book, or in this case a series of books that I want to read. I love Sookie.  I loved her from the start and I'm not exactly sure why.  I love that she was never scared of Bill, loves her friends like family and tells it like it is.

I want this pretty boxed set

I have been wanting to read these for awhile now, but I've been a tad hesitant thinking they will ruin True Blood for me.  More than a few people I know who have read these, love the books and  find True Blood not as good as they once thought.  We haven't even watched season 3 of True Blood that just ended.  Such a dilemma.  I will probably read them anyway and end up liking them better, but isn't that always the case?

I never finish what I start...

Apparently, committing to blogging everyday is something I cannot do.  Sometimes at the end of the day, I just don't have the energy for it.  It's pathetic, I know.  I hate when I start things and don't finish them. I'm very good at that and I want to change this part of me.  So, as boring as my posts may be, I am going to finish my 30 day project! On to day 12.... Something you are OCD about...

Pretty, pretty organized books

I could write a book about this, but I'll spare you and just choose one.  Even though my "career" as a bookseller has been over for about 6 or 7 years, I still harbor one habit.  I cannot go into  any bookstore anywhere and not start straightening books. They could be on shelves or tables, it doesn't matter.  I have this urge to fix them and make them all organized and pretty. Once I start, it's hard to stop. I just have to keep going.  It's a sickness really. Cary has to intervene and tell me to stop.  Do any of you former booksellers have this habit? I need help...

No more guilt?

 Before I get back to 30 days, I just want to thank everyone for their positive comments.  I am not feeling so guilty anymore.  I realized that maybe this happened for a reason to show me that I don't want a child that age and truly want a baby.  When we talk to the resource coordinator, we are going to tell her this.  It may take longer to get a placement, but we feel this is the right decision.   We're also not ruling out another IUI in the future.  C thinks I need to get "healthier" physically and mentally before we do that again and I agree, or maybe we can actually find a willing donor. Any takers out there? Anyway, that's the update on the baby front...

I've realized I've missed quite a few posts for my 30 days project.  Day 10 is a photo of you taken over 10 years ago.  I don't have anything that old on my computer so I'm skipping this one.  Day 11 is a photo of you recently.  I hate getting my picture taken, but I guess I'll share this one because it's so rare that a photo is taken of me and our crazy dog Lucy.

She looks pretty scared, probably because I was trying to get her to look at the computer. 

I am officially a horrible person

We finally had our first placement last night.  He was an almost 2 year old boy.  It was a horrible experience for everyone, especially me.  Neither C or I got any sleep last night.  I was up crying because I just couldn't handle it and I feel so bad about the whole thing.  I didn't feel very "motherly" with him, which completely scared me.  Maybe I wouldn't make a good mother.  I'm dealing with all kinds of emotions right now.  I do know that I don't want a placement with a child that age. I definitely want a baby.  I can handle babies.  I had to call the social worker and tell her I didn't think we could keep him. I've never felt so much guilt and like a total failure.  Hopefully I will make sense of all this at some point.  That's all I can say for now...

Day 9- A Photo That You Took (yeah, I skipped day 8...)

I'm not a good photographer, but I secretly long to be.  These days I take tons of pictures with my iPhone. I swear it takes better pictures than our digital.  This is one of the many, many pictures taken at the Farm Sanctuary.  It is the best place on earth to me.  I can't wait to go back...

Our tour guide and a friend on our second trip to the Farm

Day 6 & 7-20 Favorite Things & A Photo That Makes You Happy

Not in any particular order...

The first ten in pictures:

Fall

Christmas

 My MacBook

Vegan soft serve ice cream

Coffee

"Celebration for the Turkeys" @ Farm Sanctuary

My crazy family

My tattoos

Bookstores

All my fur babies

11- Our condo
12- "baby smell"
13- Spending time with C
14- Chocolate
15- Shoes
16- Old friendships
17- Health food stores
18- My new job
19- My iPhone
20- baby clothes

Day  7- A Photo That Makes You Happy

I love this picture of C I took.  He looks happy and content with who he is and cute too! :)

Day 5- Favorite quote

This stands just at the entrance to the Farm Sanctuary.  No truer words have ever been spoken.

On a different note, we found out officially that T went back to his original foster parents.  It sucks. I just hope he's okay. 

Day 3 and Day 4

I obviously didn't post anything yesterday, so I'm putting day 3 and 4 together of my 30 days.

Day 3- Favorite TV Show

There are so many tv shows I like: Lost, Queer as Folk, US of Tara, True Blood... I could go on, so I will pick one that is new (at least to me) that I've been watching. Torchwood.
I can be a bit of a sci-fi geek. Torchwood is a spin off of Dr. Who, which I never really liked too much, but I am obsessed with this one!  This show has it all really; aliens, action, humor, brits and a little boy on boy action. What more could you ask for? Here's a little clip:






On to Day 4- Favorite book

Again, there are too many to choose from.  One author that always moves me with his honesty and humor is Augusten Burroughs.  I know most people know him for Running with Scissors, but my favorite of his is Dry.

Dry is a bit darker than his others, but I think it was the most honest and humorous. It's about his struggle with alcoholism and eventually going into rehab.  It made me laugh and cry at the same time. I highly recommend it.

Day 2- Just a Spoonful of Sugar...

Day 2 of 30 Days- Favorite Movie

C got me this 45th anniversary edition for my b-day this year

My love for Mary Poppins knows no bounds.  Okay, so maybe I'm a bit obsessed. My mother said that I used to drive her insane wanting to watch it multiple times a day when I was little.  I still have the same love for it today. On my list of things I want to do/share with my children is introduce them to this magical movie.

Here is my favorite MP song.  You will probably get these songs in your head. Your welcome...

Day 1- Favorite song

It's difficult to pick one favorite song, so I will pick a song from my favorite band.  Even though this is probably their most well known song, I still love it.  I never tire of hearing it and it is fantastic live.  One day I will see them live...

Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol

30 Days

It seems like I've seen this on every blog I've looked at in the last few weeks or so.  I don't usually follow the norm, but thought this would be a good way to get me blogging more and for the 2 of you that actually read said blog could get to know me better.  Here it is: 30 blogs for 30 days. Oh, and since I'm such a procrastinator, I will start this tomorrow... :)
Day 1 - your favorite song
Day 2 - your favorite movie
Day 3 - your favorite television program
Day 4 - your favorite book
Day 5 - your favorite quote
Day 6 - 20 of your favorite things
Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy
Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 9 - a photo you took
Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you
Day 11 - a photo of you recently
Day 12 - something you are OCD about
Day 13 - a fictional book
Day 14 - a non-fictional book
Day 15 - your dream house
Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)
Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding
Day 19 - a talent of yours
Day 20 - a hobby of yours
Day 21 - a recipe
Day 22 - a website
Day 23 - a youtube video
Day 24 - where you live
Day 25 - your day, in great detail
Day 26 - your week, in great detail
Day 27 - your worst habit
Day 28 - what's in your handbag/purse
Day 29 - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 - a dream for the future