Life Without C

It's been a crazy week! C decided to leave me for a whole 7 days and take a bus home to Ohio. Well, he went for a friend's wedding, to see his mom and step-dad, plus he had a ton of vacation to use by the end of this month.  Seeing that I just started my new job, I don't have any time off yet so I am stuck here with all the crazy animals. The night he left I was a mess of course.  I barely slept the first two nights.  So, what have I done with my time?  Well, work has kept me and my mind busy during the day.  I made a list of things I wanted to do and I actually have done most of them.  Here is what I've been doing since C has been gone:
1- Got addicted to Torchwood. Seriously addicted. I watched like 8 episodes in a day and a half
2- Dug up the ginormous weed/stalk thing that was taking over the front of the condo

3- I bought this! Isn't she pretty?

My first smoothie- lots of berries, spinach, and a little rice milk.  It was yummy!

4- I cleaned the hell out of the house; cleaned out the pantry, reorganized some kitchen cabinets

5- I just realized that I actually haven't thought about babies at all until right now- now that is an accomplishment

As much "fun" as I've had all by my lonesome, I can't wait for C to come home on Tuesday! Maybe he was right that absence does make the heart grow fonder...

Raw Food Adventures (and a cryptic hint about potential baby news)

I've started my journey into raw foods this week.  It's one of my goals to better my health.  I do know that there is no way I could be 100% raw, at least I don't think so.  I could not live without chickpeas.  I seriously could not.  I find that I eat quite a bit of raw food anyway in the summer.  Here are a few things I've tried:

Raw granola from Two Moms in the Raw and Blackberry Hint water- I love this stuff!
This was breakfast this morning at my desk

Very yummy apple, spinach and carrot juice- I wish I had a juicer...

I've also been making salads, cucumber salad, and I've discovered I can eat raw dehydrated kale chips, but still can't seem to eat it fresh. Any suggestions? I did have one day that I slipped pretty bad (like pizza and ice cream bad), but they were vegan and gluten free so that's okay right?  I blame it on PMS, plus I felt horrible after I ate it, so I paid for it.  Next, I want to get a blender so I can make all those yummy green smoothies I see on everybody's blogs!

On the baby front: Still no news or calls, but I might have a surprise for everyone.  It's something  that came out of nowhere and could potentially be exciting. That's all I can say though.  :)

Belated Thank You

It's better late than never I suppose.  We received a whole lot of baby stuff from family and friends and I just realized I never thanked anyone.  Look at all this loot!

Blankets, clothes, and bibs, oh my!

I really hope I get to use the Moby, but it looks ridiculously complicated...

Seventh Generation chlorine free baby wipes

Look at all the goodies in there!

Diaper bag, with a mini one too

So, thank you to everyone who gave us such nice gifts! I just hope we can use them soon!

Funky

Yes, I am in a total funk, which is probably why I haven't posted anything in so long.  I am in a physical, emotional, and spiritual funk.  I'm not exactly sure of the reason but I know that  I have had zero motivation to go the gym or do yoga, and I'm sick and tired of this waiting game to get a baby.  I've been longing to have my own again.  But, between my "team" of doctors, (naturopath, therapist, and nurse practitioner) they have come up with a plan to get me out of said funk.  All three have emphasized how important it is for me to take care of myself because if I don't I won't be able to take care of a baby, whether birthed, fostered, or adopted.  They have said I need to almost treat myself as a baby and nurture myself.  I think we as women don't often do this enough.  I am going to share with all of you people in blog land my goals and "assignments" from my doctors.  Maybe I'll feel more obligated to do them if other people know.  (Well, it won't hurt to try)

Here are my goals:

* Eventually, get off of all my medications (western medications that is)
* Don't feel guilty about using said western medications
* Get some form of aerobic exercise everyday
* Get rid of my biggest stressors ( I already did that with getting my new job!)
* Practice yoga 3-4 times a week for at least 15 minutes
* Meditation or guided relaxation everyday
* Stop and see, smell, and "experience" my food before I eat it
* Take 5 deep full breaths before and after eating and eat slowly
* Stop drinking coffee ( not sure how this one's going to go)

My own personal goals are:
* Start eating a more raw diet
* Cut out the sugar

It looks pretty overwhelming when I write it out like that, but I am bound and determined to get out of this funk and stop feeling sorry for myself! So, I may be sharing some other things going on in my life besides trying to become a mom, because I need to take care of myself before I can do that.

In order for this whole post not to be boring and without pictures, I leave you with pics of my furry babies!

  

New beginnings

Mere moments ago, I emailed my resignation to my job of three years.  I am terrified. I know it is the right decision, but I'm not one who likes change. Even though I am miserable at my current job, I still  had that moment of panic when I hit the send button on that email. In a couple of weeks I will be starting a new job for an organization that I strongly support and hopefully be working with and for positive people. I have a good feeling about this.

Maybe this is the start of many new beginnings for C and I.  Maybe this will show the universe that I'm ready for change in my life and will send us a baby to love and take care of.  Who knows? I do know that I am trying to let things go and not let my anxiety take over.  It's definitely a work in progress though.

On a completely different topic. Here is an empowering story about a woman who had a caesarian birth.  It is a totally different look at having a caesarian.

On an even different topic, C's birthday was over the weekend.  I made him his favorite pie- vegan  maple peanut butter pie:

 

We also went to one of our favorite restaurants.  I had an amazing thai veggie stir fry, yummy!

 and C had some pad thai... 

I guess that's it for now, but here's to new beginnings!

Beautiful video

This video of a water birth is just breathtakingly beautiful. If I ever have the opportunity to have a child of my own, this is how I would like it to be. I know things don't always work out the way you plan, but this would be how I would want it. We may try again, but not for a few months, but who knows. Right now we are still just waiting for that phone call for us to get a foster baby. We have finished all of our training, including the adoption training. We are very well trained now! Like I've said before, it's just waiting game and I can't stand it!

For now, just enjoy this video. It made me cry and will probably make you too. Consider yourself forewarned...

http://offbeatmama.com/2010/06/water-birth-video

Sadness

Sad... It's the only word I can think of to describe how I'm feeling at the moment. It feels like we're never going to get "the call". I know I need to be patient and it will happen at the right time, but it isn't easy. Lately I've been having that yearning for having my own baby. It overwhelms me at times. I sit in the "baby room" and it all seems to mock me. The crib all made up, the clothes and all the things a baby needs just sitting there not being used. It seems like it would be so much easier, instead of all the waiting, rules, etc. that comes with fostering and adopting. We started our adoption classes last week, which seems a little strange seeing that we aren't even foster parents yet. I just want to be a mom and have a baby that is all mine-is that so wrong? This has been such an emotional roller coaster already that I just hope I have the strength to get through it when we actually have a child. Some days I'm not so sure I will.