Sadness

Sad... It's the only word I can think of to describe how I'm feeling at the moment. It feels like we're never going to get "the call". I know I need to be patient and it will happen at the right time, but it isn't easy. Lately I've been having that yearning for having my own baby. It overwhelms me at times. I sit in the "baby room" and it all seems to mock me. The crib all made up, the clothes and all the things a baby needs just sitting there not being used. It seems like it would be so much easier, instead of all the waiting, rules, etc. that comes with fostering and adopting. We started our adoption classes last week, which seems a little strange seeing that we aren't even foster parents yet. I just want to be a mom and have a baby that is all mine-is that so wrong? This has been such an emotional roller coaster already that I just hope I have the strength to get through it when we actually have a child. Some days I'm not so sure I will.