Saturday, March 20, 2010

Change of plans

I may have to change the name of this blog a little. After many discussions, C and I have decided to stop tying to get pregnant. I haven't let it go completely, but it is definitely on the back burner for right now for many reasons. I have always wanted to adopt, but the amount of money you need is ridiculous. For a private adoption, you're looking at over fifty grand, and even in some small agencies here in Vermont, the minimum would be around twelve grand. Who can afford this? It makes me sick. Anyway, this led me to look further into fostering/adopting through the state. I was under the impression that we would have to foster older kids or teens and C and I agree that this is definitely not what we want. Call me selfish, but I want a baby dammit! Plus, most of these school age kids obviously have a lot of problems that I'm not sure we're ready to deal with. I was pleasantly surprised when I spoke to the director of the program that wanting a child maybe 2 or under is just fine. She knows our intent is to adopt, but we are going to be "emergency foster parents" as well. I'm amazed the amount of money you get and they pay for health insurance and daycare. Of course I have fears about fostering and adopting too. I'm worried I won't bond with a child that is not biologically mine, but at the same time I'm also worried that I'll get too attached to a baby that we can't adopt and have to give back. I'm always so black or white.

We started the classes that we are required to take. There are 6 classes that are once a week for 3 hours. I've enjoyed the 2 classes we've gone to already. It's like taking a child development class for free. I think the next step is a home visit. We need to get the baby room set up for that as soon as possible. My biggest challenge is trying to find a daycare. It's hard enough to find one, much less find one that will hold a place for you and this child that you don't have yet, so this is my mission now. I wish we could afford for me to stay home or work from home maybe. This is a statement I thought I'd never say, but it's true. I would love to be a stay at home mom. So, this is the next step in our crazy journey to become parents. I will keep everybody informed of what's going on. Wish us luck!

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