Funky

Yes, I am in a total funk, which is probably why I haven't posted anything in so long.  I am in a physical, emotional, and spiritual funk.  I'm not exactly sure of the reason but I know that  I have had zero motivation to go the gym or do yoga, and I'm sick and tired of this waiting game to get a baby.  I've been longing to have my own again.  But, between my "team" of doctors, (naturopath, therapist, and nurse practitioner) they have come up with a plan to get me out of said funk.  All three have emphasized how important it is for me to take care of myself because if I don't I won't be able to take care of a baby, whether birthed, fostered, or adopted.  They have said I need to almost treat myself as a baby and nurture myself.  I think we as women don't often do this enough.  I am going to share with all of you people in blog land my goals and "assignments" from my doctors.  Maybe I'll feel more obligated to do them if other people know.  (Well, it won't hurt to try)

Here are my goals:

* Eventually, get off of all my medications (western medications that is)
* Don't feel guilty about using said western medications
* Get some form of aerobic exercise everyday
* Get rid of my biggest stressors ( I already did that with getting my new job!)
* Practice yoga 3-4 times a week for at least 15 minutes
* Meditation or guided relaxation everyday
* Stop and see, smell, and "experience" my food before I eat it
* Take 5 deep full breaths before and after eating and eat slowly
* Stop drinking coffee ( not sure how this one's going to go)

My own personal goals are:
* Start eating a more raw diet
* Cut out the sugar

It looks pretty overwhelming when I write it out like that, but I am bound and determined to get out of this funk and stop feeling sorry for myself! So, I may be sharing some other things going on in my life besides trying to become a mom, because I need to take care of myself before I can do that.

In order for this whole post not to be boring and without pictures, I leave you with pics of my furry babies!

  

New beginnings

Mere moments ago, I emailed my resignation to my job of three years.  I am terrified. I know it is the right decision, but I'm not one who likes change. Even though I am miserable at my current job, I still  had that moment of panic when I hit the send button on that email. In a couple of weeks I will be starting a new job for an organization that I strongly support and hopefully be working with and for positive people. I have a good feeling about this.

Maybe this is the start of many new beginnings for C and I.  Maybe this will show the universe that I'm ready for change in my life and will send us a baby to love and take care of.  Who knows? I do know that I am trying to let things go and not let my anxiety take over.  It's definitely a work in progress though.

On a completely different topic. Here is an empowering story about a woman who had a caesarian birth.  It is a totally different look at having a caesarian.

On an even different topic, C's birthday was over the weekend.  I made him his favorite pie- vegan  maple peanut butter pie:

 

We also went to one of our favorite restaurants.  I had an amazing thai veggie stir fry, yummy!

 and C had some pad thai... 

I guess that's it for now, but here's to new beginnings!

Beautiful video

This video of a water birth is just breathtakingly beautiful. If I ever have the opportunity to have a child of my own, this is how I would like it to be. I know things don't always work out the way you plan, but this would be how I would want it. We may try again, but not for a few months, but who knows. Right now we are still just waiting for that phone call for us to get a foster baby. We have finished all of our training, including the adoption training. We are very well trained now! Like I've said before, it's just waiting game and I can't stand it!

For now, just enjoy this video. It made me cry and will probably make you too. Consider yourself forewarned...

http://offbeatmama.com/2010/06/water-birth-video

Sadness

Sad... It's the only word I can think of to describe how I'm feeling at the moment. It feels like we're never going to get "the call". I know I need to be patient and it will happen at the right time, but it isn't easy. Lately I've been having that yearning for having my own baby. It overwhelms me at times. I sit in the "baby room" and it all seems to mock me. The crib all made up, the clothes and all the things a baby needs just sitting there not being used. It seems like it would be so much easier, instead of all the waiting, rules, etc. that comes with fostering and adopting. We started our adoption classes last week, which seems a little strange seeing that we aren't even foster parents yet. I just want to be a mom and have a baby that is all mine-is that so wrong? This has been such an emotional roller coaster already that I just hope I have the strength to get through it when we actually have a child. Some days I'm not so sure I will.

After the visit

Yesterday, the licensure came for our "home visit". It was the complete opposite of what I thought it would be. Let me tell you, I cleaned like I have never cleaned before for this visit! She was here for about 2 hours and only took 10 minutes tops actually doing the walk through of the house. When she first got here, she wanted all of us to sit at the kitchen table and talk. Lucy of course was barking and trying to jump and I don't think she was an animal person. Tomcat decided he needed to keep jumping on the kitchen counter or the table we were sitting at too. She probably thought we were a crazy zoo- which we are. Anyhow, she asked us a lot of questions about how we met and how long we'd been together, but then she wanted to know about our families and how and where we grew up. She was writing everything down as we talked. It was a bit unnerving. She asked C about his transitioning and didn't seem taken aback or offended by it at all. Living in Vermont has it's perks. All in all, I think it went pretty good and she was pretty nice too.

The next step is her calling our doctors/therapists, I guess to make sure we are not certifiable. After that she has to write up a report and will send our license in the mail. It will be good for 3 years and only 1 child. So, soon we will be licensed and I still have a very clean house!

I'm freaking out

fMay 19th... They called and set up a date for our home visit. She said it would take a couple of hours. I guess I'll be cleaning like a mad woman until then! That is all...

The waiting game

If you know me at all, you know just how impatient I am. (go ahead and laugh, I'll wait..) Okay, so I basically have no patience when it comes to something I want, which is why this situation is slowly driving me crazy. We only have one more teleconference class left, the baby room is pretty much done , and we have bought and/or received all those little things we need. Now, we just need one crucial thing: a baby. Every time my phone rings, my heart stops because I am both equally excited and terrified about getting a baby. So, we must play the waiting game. In the meantime, here are my big furry babies making themselves at home on the changing table: