Changes

I hate change.  I really, truly do.  Yet, since finding out I was pregnant my life has been nothing but full of changes.  So, here I am again embarking on more change.  Due to many health issues I've been having, I am leaving my job.  It is a mutual separation of sorts.  I have been missing so much work that I've used up all my sick time and it has been affecting work getting done.  It was a very hard decision to make. I love my job, the people I work with, and my boss is probably the best I've ever had.  I will hopefully get unemployment and have time to get healthy again.  After all of this, some more change might happen.  We may be moving back home to Ohio temporarily until we can get back on our feet financially.   While I know we'll love being around family again, leaving Vermont will be so hard.  We love it here and have made a life here  I hope we can come back at some point.  I'm trying not to dwell too much on all this change because if I do, I start to panic.  I need to keep telling myself we're doing this because it's what's best for us and Sophia.  I can't leave you without a Sophia picture, so here she is in her new exersaucer.  She loves it!  Her little legs can barely touch the bottom though!

3 months and going back to work

I cannot believe Sophia is 3 months old already. It is true when they say they grow up too fast! She  is such a different baby now than she was.  She smiles all the time and laughs out loud sometimes. She has definitely discovered her hands and loves to chew on them too. I think teething is right around the corner.  She can even hold her head up pretty well.

Sadly, tomorrow I go back to work full time.  I do like my job and the people and I love the organization I work for. However, since having Sophia it just feels so unimportant.  In the scheme of things, it seems so irrelevant, yet I have to do it for financial reasons.  I feel like I'm going to miss her growing up. I swear she changes or does something different everyday and I want to be able to see and experience it while she's still so young.  It all seems so unfair. How do all these working moms do it?  I'm sure this is going to be a hard week. 

Crazy week

I am so glad that last week is over.  It was long, emotional and exhausting. Here's some of what happened:

• Work was crazy busy. We are short one person and another is on vacation. I still love my job, but it was actually a little bit stressful.

• We had a meeting with the coordinator for the foster program. Let's just say that it wasn't pretty. I basically cried the whole time. Not just regular crying, but the can't catch your breath kind that makes you seem crazy. Yeah, it was great. Basically, we don't have enough "experience" with kids.  Another foster parent made a comment to her that while I was holding her foster child (that she pretty much threw at me to feed), I wasn't holding him "right" and he didn't eat enough. Seriously.  Anyway, we were told we can't be foster parents if we're trying to get pregnant, which I think is odd.  So, we were put on a hold status. Now that I think about it, I'm, kind of relieved and maybe we can focus on getting pregnant again.  I'm hoping to start in December either with a friend of ours or with an IUI at the hospital.

• One positive thing that happened was my new RE doctor. I absolutely love him! He is realistic, but still positive. As he said, he's not willing to throw the towel in on me yet. I am getting all my blood work done again on my next cycle, so he can compare numbers.  He doesn't think we've tried enough to really get an accurate idea of what's going on. 

• We are hoping that C's insurance covers infertility and if I can get on it. This would be the best thing that could happen if they would pay for some IUI's.  It's really my first choice of how to do this.

• C's step-dad is really sick and in the hospital in ICU.  Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers and send good vibes his way if you can.

Here's hoping that next week fares better...

New beginnings

Mere moments ago, I emailed my resignation to my job of three years.  I am terrified. I know it is the right decision, but I'm not one who likes change. Even though I am miserable at my current job, I still  had that moment of panic when I hit the send button on that email. In a couple of weeks I will be starting a new job for an organization that I strongly support and hopefully be working with and for positive people. I have a good feeling about this.

Maybe this is the start of many new beginnings for C and I.  Maybe this will show the universe that I'm ready for change in my life and will send us a baby to love and take care of.  Who knows? I do know that I am trying to let things go and not let my anxiety take over.  It's definitely a work in progress though.

On a completely different topic. Here is an empowering story about a woman who had a caesarian birth.  It is a totally different look at having a caesarian.

On an even different topic, C's birthday was over the weekend.  I made him his favorite pie- vegan  maple peanut butter pie:

 

We also went to one of our favorite restaurants.  I had an amazing thai veggie stir fry, yummy!

 and C had some pad thai... 

I guess that's it for now, but here's to new beginnings!