Changes

I hate change.  I really, truly do.  Yet, since finding out I was pregnant my life has been nothing but full of changes.  So, here I am again embarking on more change.  Due to many health issues I've been having, I am leaving my job.  It is a mutual separation of sorts.  I have been missing so much work that I've used up all my sick time and it has been affecting work getting done.  It was a very hard decision to make. I love my job, the people I work with, and my boss is probably the best I've ever had.  I will hopefully get unemployment and have time to get healthy again.  After all of this, some more change might happen.  We may be moving back home to Ohio temporarily until we can get back on our feet financially.   While I know we'll love being around family again, leaving Vermont will be so hard.  We love it here and have made a life here  I hope we can come back at some point.  I'm trying not to dwell too much on all this change because if I do, I start to panic.  I need to keep telling myself we're doing this because it's what's best for us and Sophia.  I can't leave you without a Sophia picture, so here she is in her new exersaucer.  She loves it!  Her little legs can barely touch the bottom though!

What a year

If there is one thing I keep hearing people say is that this year has been a year for many life changes. It is so true in my life as well.  It's a little overwhelming when I really think about it.  2011 started off on a sad note. C's step father passed away on New Years Day.  He is greatly missed and I so wish he could have met Sophia, but I think he looks after her. He is her guardian angel.  Some other changes in my life this past year:

This was happening in my belly!

I'm still in awe sometimes when I think about getting pregnant. It was such a crazy, amazing and often difficult experience, but I'd do it again and again for her.

Wow- look how big I was!

We got married!

Well, technically, this was the end of 2010, but oh well. It was still a big moment. Even though we've been together for about 12 years it was special. Even if it happened in our kitchen. :)

And then she arrived...

     

We also had a big loss in our family. We lost Tom and Lucy in a matter of days.  I miss them everyday and still sometimes wait for Lucy to come running down the stairs or Tom to greet me at the door.  I think I'm still dealing with that.

We miss you Tomcat

I still miss this crazy dog

Other 2011 adventures:

- We took a trip home (Sophia had her first plane ride!) and she got to meet her crazy family

- C got a new job with normal hours 

- I'm finally back at work full time (although I wish I could stay home with the baby)

- C had his surgery

What a crazy, sad, and wonderful year it has been. Here's hoping for a happy, healthy and maybe not so eventful 2012!

I'm leaving my baby with a total stranger

Starting tomorrow, Sophia will be going to a baby sitter all day.  It turns out I'm not dealing well with this.  This woman seems perfectly nice and capable and has been watching kids for 20 years, but this is my baby we're talking about. What if she doesn't get the attention she needs? What if she's scared because we're not there? What if this woman is really a psycho? Yeah, I may need a Valium tomorrow.

In other news, I found out why I've been feeling so horrible and my hair has been falling out. I have a severe vitamin d deficiency. It's pretty scary actually. It's difficult to get vitamin d as a vegan besides getting it from the sun.  So, I am taking a supplement and hoping it will help.

I really just need to get through this week and hopefully it will get easier. How can I leave this cutie with a stranger all day?

3 months and going back to work

I cannot believe Sophia is 3 months old already. It is true when they say they grow up too fast! She  is such a different baby now than she was.  She smiles all the time and laughs out loud sometimes. She has definitely discovered her hands and loves to chew on them too. I think teething is right around the corner.  She can even hold her head up pretty well.

Sadly, tomorrow I go back to work full time.  I do like my job and the people and I love the organization I work for. However, since having Sophia it just feels so unimportant.  In the scheme of things, it seems so irrelevant, yet I have to do it for financial reasons.  I feel like I'm going to miss her growing up. I swear she changes or does something different everyday and I want to be able to see and experience it while she's still so young.  It all seems so unfair. How do all these working moms do it?  I'm sure this is going to be a hard week. 

I haven't abandoned the blog!

Wow. I haven't posted anything in so long! Honestly, I haven't had the time. How do some of these moms do it? I'm lucky to get a shower and brush my teeth everyday. Seriously. I had all these plans of posting everything going on with Miss Sophia, but there is not enough time in the day. I'm not even working full time yet either. That will start on the 21st and is a whole other post.  So, I'm going to try and be better about updating in case anyone out there is still reading. For now, here are Sophia's 2 months pictures:

 

1 Month

I cannot believe Sophia is a month old already! The time seems to have flown by, but at the same time seems to have stood still.  It hasn't been the easiest month for any of us, that's for sure, but hopefully it will keep getting better.

The First 2 Weeks

Wow, what a crazy couple of weeks it's been.  You cannot imagine or prepare yourself for what being a parent is, especially of a newborn.  It's been sleepless nights, tears, out of control hormones, and this feeling that you have absolutely no idea what your doing.  It's been hard, but I love this little girl more than anything.  I love her more each day. We were lucky that my parents and sister were here to help for awhile. I don't know what we would have done without their help. It's amazing how much she's changed in just a couple of weeks too. Her face is filling out and she's definitely gaining weight with all the milk she drinks.

I plan to post my birth story if anyone is interested. It was definitely not anything like I had wanted or planned.  Actually, a lot has been this way and it's something I'm dealing with.  I think I've had a bit of postpartum depression as well.  It's all been very overwhelming. I'm glad Cary has been here to keep me sane and take care of Sophia too.  The one thing I am certain of is this little girl has been worth all of it.