The waiting game

If you know me at all, you know just how impatient I am. (go ahead and laugh, I'll wait..) Okay, so I basically have no patience when it comes to something I want, which is why this situation is slowly driving me crazy. We only have one more teleconference class left, the baby room is pretty much done , and we have bought and/or received all those little things we need. Now, we just need one crucial thing: a baby. Every time my phone rings, my heart stops because I am both equally excited and terrified about getting a baby. So, we must play the waiting game. In the meantime, here are my big furry babies making themselves at home on the changing table:

It's getting there...

The "baby room" is slowly, but surely coming along...







We finished our classroom classes yesterday, and have started the teleconference classes as well. The home visit should be soon, but we could get called at any point now, before even having the home visit. Scary and exciting at the same time!

C's first "fatherly duty"

Working hard putting the crib together...






All finished!



The funny part is that once he was done, we had to drag it upstairs and realized it wouldn't fit through the bedroom door. C had to take some of it apart and re-do it! Hey, I never said we were experts. We're new at this stuff! Next to tackle- the changing table...
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The essentials

We are buying the "essentials" for the baby room. It was so hard to find crib bedding that wasn't too expensive, is gender neutral and wasn't pink or blue, but still had a modern look to match the rest of our house. This is what we finally settled on. We also bought a very simple crib and changing table. I still feel like we need to buy a million more things before our home visit. Here is my list of essentials so far:

crib
changing table
car seat/stroller
baby monitor
baby gates
outlet covers
high chair

Am I missing anything? I'm sure I am...
We have 3 more classes left, then it's 4 teleconference classes, and next week we get fingerprinted!

Change of plans

I may have to change the name of this blog a little. After many discussions, C and I have decided to stop tying to get pregnant. I haven't let it go completely, but it is definitely on the back burner for right now for many reasons. I have always wanted to adopt, but the amount of money you need is ridiculous. For a private adoption, you're looking at over fifty grand, and even in some small agencies here in Vermont, the minimum would be around twelve grand. Who can afford this? It makes me sick. Anyway, this led me to look further into fostering/adopting through the state. I was under the impression that we would have to foster older kids or teens and C and I agree that this is definitely not what we want. Call me selfish, but I want a baby dammit! Plus, most of these school age kids obviously have a lot of problems that I'm not sure we're ready to deal with. I was pleasantly surprised when I spoke to the director of the program that wanting a child maybe 2 or under is just fine. She knows our intent is to adopt, but we are going to be "emergency foster parents" as well. I'm amazed the amount of money you get and they pay for health insurance and daycare. Of course I have fears about fostering and adopting too. I'm worried I won't bond with a child that is not biologically mine, but at the same time I'm also worried that I'll get too attached to a baby that we can't adopt and have to give back. I'm always so black or white.

We started the classes that we are required to take. There are 6 classes that are once a week for 3 hours. I've enjoyed the 2 classes we've gone to already. It's like taking a child development class for free. I think the next step is a home visit. We need to get the baby room set up for that as soon as possible. My biggest challenge is trying to find a daycare. It's hard enough to find one, much less find one that will hold a place for you and this child that you don't have yet, so this is my mission now. I wish we could afford for me to stay home or work from home maybe. This is a statement I thought I'd never say, but it's true. I would love to be a stay at home mom. So, this is the next step in our crazy journey to become parents. I will keep everybody informed of what's going on. Wish us luck!

Fail #2

I really got my hopes up this time. My period is never late. So, when I didn't start when I should have I got a little excited. Three days after I was supposed to start I called my nurse and she scheduled a blood test for me this past Thursday. I think everyone was convinced that I was really pregnant. (including me) I was even nauseous every morning last week! When I got the phone call Friday morning from the lab and the woman told me it was negative it was like I got punched in the gut. It was a horrible feeling and I couldn't stop crying. I never wished so much to have at least a little privacy at work. I was a complete mess and could barely talk when I called C and then my Mom. I left work early and hope I don't get in too much trouble, but I had to get out of there.

So, here I am 5 days late and no signs that I'm going to start. It makes no sense at all. The woman at the lab said that if I still haven't started by Monday to call my doctors and they might have to induce my period. I have no idea how they do that though. I'm still very sad, but now I'm a little angry. I'm not sure what or who I'm angry at, but I am determined to get pregnant and have a baby! Maybe third time is the charm? I guess I have to wait and start my period first...

Fertility drugs are making me crazy

I just realized that it's been awhile since I've written anything. Actually, it's been a month exactly. I had a harder time dealing with the first try not working than I thought I did and I was having doubts about whether or not I should even continue. It all resulted in a few panic attacks, some crying, and a visit to my therapist. The one thing I do know for sure is that I will regret it if I don't try at all, so here we are trying again.

This time around I'm taking Clomid. These little pills are making me crazy! My emotions are all over the place, and for 2 days now while at work, I've felt very on edge and like I'm going to come out of my skin. It's crazy stuff. Thank God I only have to take it for 5 days at a time. Hopefully though it will up my chances of getting pregnant, and with 1 baby. I have a 10% chance of having twins, which is rather frightening. So, the big day for round 2 should probably be sometime next week. I will keep everyone informed!